Saturday, November 16, 2013

Debussy (A poem about depression)

The other night I was listening to Debussy
And it made me sadder than all the sad things
Empty chairs or grandfathers alone on park benches
Flowers in sidewalk cracks with cigarette butts
The man in shirt sleeves at the window
With the universe in his eyes
And the street in his ears
The weary rain falling on the weary earth
The tired leaves drifting to the forsaken ground
Like so many yellow tears
All the bright-eyed cars on the highway
Rolling off to who knows where?
To the end of the highway, to the end of tomorrow
Where all the rough hands are folding soft laundry
Or resting against the rim of the sink
Holding you and the weight of the world upright
Because tomorrow will be the same as today
And today was the same as yesterday
And yesterday was the same
As a hundred years of yesterdays have always been.

But still there is Debussy,
Who will always make me sad.
Maybe I am sad because the sound of Debussy
Was the sound of all of them--
All of the sad things rolled into one.
But sadness is better
Than to feel nothing at all.
And so I will listen to Debussy and cry
About all the sad things.
Because to feel is good,
Even to feel sad.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

A Quick Update (And Other Garbage)

Sometimes, I'm tempted to post foul and shocking things on here just to check if anyone actually reads through my chunky thought-posts. But I won't, probably.

Okay, so a quick update. In a nutshell, college is consuming my life rapidly and with no mercy. I'm not going to lie, I'm really struggling. But I'm learning...a lot. I am learning a whole lot. I won't bore you with the details, but rest assured that I am alive and kicking (albeit somewhat feebly).

I'm still in the flute performance program at the Y, so when I'm not practicing, I'm working, and when I'm not working, I'm doing homework, and when I'm not doing homework, I'm sleeping, and when I'm not sleeping, I'm moping around the apartment getting on everybody's nerves. Or blogging (which is why I never blog). That's pretty much my life right now.

Besides that, I love music. It's my life at the moment. I listen to music while I do all of the above activities, and when I'm not passively listening to it, I'm actively creating it. It's not a bad way to live, actually. I don't even know what else to post on here, I just wanted to make a new post since it's a new year and whatnot. I'll do a better one later this week.


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Some Random Photographs

This is a tuna sandwich, half a melon, and a glass of chocolate milk. Livin' the dream.

In spite of climbing four flights of stairs multiple times a day, the view from our room is spectacular.

Sometimes when it gets late, the bell tower looks a little bit like the Eye of Sauron.

O happy jar of Nutella. How I love thee.

And Kat made soup for me. What an angel.

This picture does no sort of justice to this absolutely stunning gold sunset.

I love herbal tea. And Bugs Bunny.

You can't tell, but I'm grinning at Tom Hiddleston.

Fall = sweaters!

Here is a waterfall I saw several months ago.

And now for some photos of I really am.


Those great moments when you're playing with the webcam and someone says something funny and you accidentally take a picture of yourself laughing. And then the picture makes you laugh, so you post it on your blog.

And here is a picture of a cow. I hope you have an excellent week.


Sunday, September 30, 2012

On Being Comfortable With Yourself

It's not that easy being green,
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves,
When I think it could be nicer,
Being red or yellow or gold,
Or something much more colorful like that.

It's not that easy being green,
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things,
And people tend to pass you over,
Cause you're not standing out like flashy sparkles on the water,
Or stars in the sky.

But green's the color of spring, 
And green can be cool and friendly-like,
And green can be big, like an ocean,
Or important, like a mountain,
Or tall like a tree.

When green is all there is to be,
It could make you wonder why,
But why wonder? Why wonder?
I am green, and it'll do fine. It's beautiful,
And I think it's what I want to be.

It's Not Easy Being Green - Kermit the Frog

This is my last September music post, even though it's technically October now. I'm feeling vaguely sentimental about this; it's been kind of fun. Anyway, this song is particularly dear to my heart, which is why it's the last one I'm posting. It's also why I have a Kermit the Frog pillow pet on my bed right now, but that's besides the point.

Finding the good things in other people is usually easy. Not always, of course. There will always be those people that are harder to get along with than others. But generally speaking, it's a pretty straightforward thing. Finding the good in ourselves, on the other hand, seems to be something of a lifelong quest. Or at least it is for me. I am more prone to forget my strengths and talents than I am to forget about other people's. I tend to be more brutal to myself than I would ever be to anyone else. I'm not always comfortable in my own skin--I tend to focus on the bad qualities more than the good. It's moments like these that I remember Kermit, or at least I try to. 

Sometimes, I think we all feel like it could be nicer being red or yellow or gold, or something much more colorful like that. Or that we feel that people tend to pass us over, 'cause we're not standing out like flashy sparkles on the water or stars in the sky. Maybe you're not smart enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, tall enough, rich enough, strong enough, witty enough, popular enough, etc. etc. And maybe you wonder why you were given your traits or your trials. But why wonder? You need to realize--whatever you are is beautiful, and when you start to love who you are and stop fantasizing about how happy you'd be if you were someone else, you can see that beauty.

So I'll allow you two verses to muse about why you're not good enough, but the rest of the song needs to be devoted to realizing that you're just right the way you are and loving you for who you are.

Happy October, my friends. You're all lovely.


Saturday, September 29, 2012


Oh, Michael Jackson. I love you forever.

Say Say Say- Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney

I don't know if I'm the only one who has those days where they go off to get stuff done and accidentally spend 3 hours watching Michael Jackson music videos. He was revolutionary. Extraordinary. Fabulous. Absolutely unprecedented. One of the most incredible entertainers the world has ever seen. Michael Jackson is my love.


Beat It

Smooth Criminal

They Don't Really Care About Us

Black or White

I want to keep posting them forever, but I'll refrain.

Also, Marina? Wanna play MJ Just Dance....please? :)


Friday, September 28, 2012

Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes

In case you were unaware, Paul Simon is one of my most favorite songwriters ever. Of all time. Him, Marcus Mumford, Sting, and Billy Joel are probably my favorite lyricists. Gee whiz, they write good music. So here's a nice Friday song for you. :)

Paul Simon - Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes

Happy Friday to you. Go do something you enjoy!


Thursday, September 27, 2012

Gasoline, Milk, Country Music, and Home Depot

Judging from the title, you'd assume this post is a lot more exciting than it really is. I could tell you an extravagant story involving those things, but instead you're going to get two random facts, a story, and a song. The song first.

Just Fishin' - Trace Adkins

Working at a barn does things to your taste in music. So, secretly, I love country music. Plus this song reminds me how much I love fishing with my dad, and it makes me cry a lot.

Now, on to business.

1. I love 2% milk. 2% milk is my one and only, besides BYU chocolate milk. Dang it, I just love milk.

2. I like the smell of gasoline. I forgot about that until today. Do you want to know why? Good, I'll tell you. I like it because the towboats at Tom & Woods smelled like gasoline, and I had the best times of my childhood at Tom & Woods, catching frogs and swimming in the lake and fishing on the dock where the towboats were tied off. So...gasoline smells like childhood?

3. And now for Home Depot. I feel like I may have actually written about this event before, but it's good enough to be told again.
Once upon a golden summer, I went to Home Depot with my family to get paint. We were buying a lot of paint, and the guy at the counter told us it would take a while to mix it all, or whatever they do when they're getting paint ready. So we wandered off, looking for entertainment. I found mine in the form of paint can boxes, and the models thereupon. You know those boxes that all the cans come in? And they always have a picture on the front of some happy person sitting in a well-furnished room? Yeah, you can probably see where this is going. So I borrowed a pen from my mom and went from box to box, embellishing the boxes and happy people as I saw fit. I was transforming an especially cheerful man into a pirate when, in the middle of his fantastic mustache, my pen ran out of ink. I shook it and scribbled on the box, but to no avail. Right at that moment, I felt a tap on my shoulder and I knew I was in trouble. I turned around slowly to face the giant, burly, marine-like Home Depot employee that was standing behind me. I smiled in what I imagine was a slightly apologetic way, and he looked over my shoulder at the paint-can pirate, complete with earring and eyepatch. He raised one eyebrow and looked down at me. I felt completely ashamed and was about to offer a frantic apology when he reached into his apron and pulled out a ballpoint pen. "I just thought you might like to try this pen; I noticed yours stopped working," he said. I felt my jaw drop, and he chuckled a bit. I accepted the pen and mumbled a dumbfounded, "Thanks." He smiled and walked away, and over his shoulder he said, "Keep up the good work!"