Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Deep Thoughts on a Wednesday Afternoon

Do you ever have days where you just do not feel like you know what's going on? In or outside of yourself?

That is pretty much how I feel today. (I feel hypocritical writing this after my deep gratitude post, and I wonder why I can't be humble all the time, but there you have it.) Today, I don't feel like I know who I am. I feel like I don't know where I'm going, I feel like I don't know where I've been, I feel like I don't know what I want or what I like or...anything really.

Whenever I vent to my friends about this kind of problem, I get responses like "You're a wonderful person! You're so smart and nice and pretty and you're so good at everything you do!" Not that those are bad in any way, shape, or form. It's really nice to hear those things, and I'm grateful to my darling friends I complain to. Just by the way.

But when people say things like that, I have to wonder if that's what I am or who I am. And then I realize that those things are probably the same. But are they? Is what you are the same thing as who you are? Are you what you're good at? I mean obviously we're defined by the things we do. And for the most part, I do the things I'm good at (or think I'm good at, at any rate). And I really enjoy them. But is that who I am? What does that even MEAN?

And now I look over this extremely angst-y, over-thought post and realize I'm blowing this all out of proportion. (And I'm fine, Mom. For real.) Just some deep thoughts on a Wednesday afternoon.

Love always,


McKann said...

Kate. Kate. Kate. I totally know how you feel. Can we please talk sometime? Spring tour maybe? :)

Janice Pyper said...

Katie-bug, you are the most amazing grand-daughter! You are wondering about things that never even crossed my mind until I was, oh, about 40 or so! Let me just say, it seems to me that what you can do totally helps with your sense of self worth, but who you ARE is a beloved daughter of God, a dear and cherished daughter and grand-daughter, sister, cousin, and friend. Yes, you are what you do in the sense that you serve others, but what you become through that service is, I think, who you ARE, and you can become more and more as you go through life. At 65, I have finally started to figure this out. Hmmm. I think I'm a little retarded. Or is that ritarded?! 8-D I love you, Kate! You have amazing parents who have helped you become amazing YOU.