Wednesday, August 17, 2011

A Childhood Memory

Sometimes, I blog about important things. Sometimes I do not. And sometimes I feel like I have a lot to say but I don't know if I should say it, or if I even want to. Or just don't know how to put it.

Today, I feel like that. Did I do the right thing? I think so. Does that make me feel any better? Kind of. Not really. It's not easy to bust a person's heart. Especially when that person is someone you care about.

I remember once, I was talking to my Uncle Adam. We were in Grammy's basement, and I was sitting on the bed watching him pack for something. I was probably nine or ten, and he was in his mid-twenties. He came and sat next to me and said, "Kate, when you grow up, you're going to be in love. And people will be in love with you. You're going to break hearts, and you're going to have your heart broken." I nodded solemnly, but secretly in my little girl brain, I was thinking, "Pfft. Yeah right, Pab. You don't know how it works. I'm going to grow up, find my true love, get married in the temple, and have a bunch of kids. It's not that complicated."

I was thinking about that the other day, and it made me laugh. But really, who didn't think that way when they were nine? I would sit around imagining how I was going to meet my true love, how we would look at each other and instantly know we were right for each other, and boom! All my problems would be solved. And only in the past few years have I realized that it doesn't usually work like that. There's a lot of mess to go through before you get to the boom. And the problems don't magically get solved. They get cried, pushed, prayed, and muscled through.

I have broken hearts. I've had my heart broken. People have probably been in love with me, and I didn't know it. I don't think I've been in love yet, but I'm sure I will be someday. And I'm still only seventeen.

Life is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be when I was nine.

Feeling slightly confused,


Marianne said...


You're right...

And you DID do the right thing, and I think you did it the right way.


Carrots said...

1. I may or may not have shed a tear or two just now.
2. You are a wise, wise woman.
3. This is all very true.
4. I think you need to call me. Now.
5. I love you!

Andrew said...

Young and sweet, only 17.

Cola said...

wow...a very true very good post.

Miriam said...

It takes guts to be that honest on the Internets. I love you, Katherine. You're a wise, tough girl, and even if life really is something to be muscled through, I think you've got a bright future.

Kristen Oddette said...

Ditto to everyone else. It takes a lot to let your heart (and you have a big, beautiful one) be shown, broken, mended and taken again. In many many ways, you amaze me! Keep your chin up!

Melody said...

I need to hug you. Go get your mother RIGHT NOW, and tell her she must hug you from me immediately. And while you're at it, kindly hug her back in my behalf (that came out bahlf. What's a bahlf?).

When I was in college I heard a quote about dating that I wrote down on a notecard and stuck on the wall by my desk- "The wrong one is the right one to lead you to the best one." It always reminded me that the occasional heartaches are part of the journey, and eventually a man who I loved and who loved me back and who shared my goals and dreams (and my love of big black dogs, that was a must) would make himself known. And you are so right, just finding a Mr Right is not the end of the struggle, but it is admittedly very nice to have someone to hold your hand while you make the climb together. You may be thinking that it can get awkward holding hands while climbing, but just go with me on this, I'm painting a hypothetical and highly emotional picture here.

And now my train of thought has, I was going to tell you that you are beyond awesome, and that I love you, and I love you, and also that I love you.

Hugs. (NOW. I mean it.)