Sometimes, I blog about important things. Sometimes I do not. And sometimes I feel like I have a lot to say but I don't know if I should say it, or if I even want to. Or just don't know how to put it.
Today, I feel like that. Did I do the right thing? I think so. Does that make me feel any better? Kind of. Not really. It's not easy to bust a person's heart. Especially when that person is someone you care about.
I remember once, I was talking to my Uncle Adam. We were in Grammy's basement, and I was sitting on the bed watching him pack for something. I was probably nine or ten, and he was in his mid-twenties. He came and sat next to me and said, "Kate, when you grow up, you're going to be in love. And people will be in love with you. You're going to break hearts, and you're going to have your heart broken." I nodded solemnly, but secretly in my little girl brain, I was thinking, "Pfft. Yeah right, Pab. You don't know how it works. I'm going to grow up, find my true love, get married in the temple, and have a bunch of kids. It's not that complicated."
I was thinking about that the other day, and it made me laugh. But really, who didn't think that way when they were nine? I would sit around imagining how I was going to meet my true love, how we would look at each other and instantly know we were right for each other, and boom! All my problems would be solved. And only in the past few years have I realized that it doesn't usually work like that. There's a lot of mess to go through before you get to the boom. And the problems don't magically get solved. They get cried, pushed, prayed, and muscled through.
I have broken hearts. I've had my heart broken. People have probably been in love with me, and I didn't know it. I don't think I've been in love yet, but I'm sure I will be someday. And I'm still only seventeen.
Life is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be when I was nine.
Feeling slightly confused,
3 months ago