This post actually has nothing to do with key lime yogurt, except that I'm eating some right now. I walked down to the Creamery and I bought this tasty yogurt. I also bought chocolate milk and tortilla chips and mascara, and then I walked back across campus with one of my best friends and we talked about college and life and groceries with our hands full of shopping bags. A little after that, I had another epiphany about life. (I know, I've had a lot of them lately. It'll be over soon, I'm sure.)
I realized that I'm not what I imagined I'd be at this point in my life. I thought I'd be...geez, pretty much a superhero. In my imagination, I saw a tall woman with wavy curls who was thinner and more confident than me, and who didn't have to deal with the problems I had. For some reason, I thought that as I grew up, I'd realize who I was and everything would be immediately clear to me. And then it suddenly occurred to me that who I am isn't some great mystery that I'll miraculously know the answer to all of a sudden. It's one of those many, many things that I seem to be stuck in for the long haul.
Bit by little bit, I learn about myself. I learn that I like listening to Mumford & Sons and The Shins. I learn that spending time alone is important to me. I learn that I really do like the color pink. I learn that when people I like ask me to do something, I have a hard time saying no. I learn that walking with my daddy is one of my absolute favorite things. I learn that my mom is and always will be my best friend. I learn that I miss reading Winnie the Pooh to my baby brother. I learn that I bite my nails when I'm nervous. I learn that I like talking to Wade about school and girls. I learn that if I go over to Paul and Nicole's house and break down in tears, they'll sit me down and hug me and scratch my back and let me cry until I'm finished. I learn that Calvin & Hobbes is actually a great source of wisdom. I learn that key lime yogurt is really very good and I like eating it. I learn that practicing hard is enormously satisfying. I learn that having to feed myself is a weird experience. I learn that napping on the grass is fun and will probably leave you sunburned. I learn that late night burrito runs are sometimes a good thing. I learn that Bruce is "The Car of Secrets" and I kind of enjoy that. I learn that rain storms make me very comfortable. I learn that my sweet family means more to me than anything else ever will. I learn that fly fishing is the greatest therapy on earth. I learn that each of these things are part of me, and they always will be. Simple things like this...are me. I mean, they literally are me. I'm made up of them. Who I am is all these things piled up and glued together with chocolate milk and eclairs. I'm losing track of my thought-dogs, but you know what I mean.
I was at Borders with Kat the other day and I saw a pencil case that I want to go back and buy. It had cute green leaves and a wonderful quote on it. George Bernard Shaw said, "Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself." I love that. I get to choose who and what I am, and I choose it by who I love and what I do and where I go. Isn't that just captivating? I love it. I'm going to finish my key lime yogurt and go practice, because that's what I like doing. Ha!
3 months ago