Maybe not exactly like that...but it's a pretty close analogy. Swinging from sheer excitement to overwhelming sadness and over to utter fear and back to excitement is unnerving to say the least. I feel like I spend a lot of my time in a blank, completely unaware of what's physically going on around me because I'm so preoccupied with my thoughts, which are like wicked little gremlins running rampant and stealing car keys and shoes. It's like trying to walk 13 dogs at once. I have to get them out of people's yards and clean up after them and hold all the leashes and not get tangled up and try not to lose them. I'm ashamed to say that I think I've misplaced several of my thought-dogs, which makes it hard to get anything done. Because you can't walk a thought-dog if you don't have a thought-dog. By which I mean I can't pack if I don't remember that I actually need to pack.
I'll try to abandon the bad analogies now, but it's really the only way to describe how I feel. I'm going to start doing for myself all the things that I didn't imagine myself doing until I was an adult. Oh, surprise! I am an adult! (Which is weird. I can't possibly be an adult, I'm too...short. And young. And tired?) So...I'm moving out of my house this week. I'll probably be able to see my house from my apartment window...but still. I won't be at home. I'll be studying and playing and doing laundry and going to class and practicing practicing practicing and grocery shopping and cooking and napping in hallways and bathrooms. (Remind me to tell you a story about that another time. It's a really funny story.)
I think this blog post was over a long time ago. I'm still confused and tired. To sum it up in the eloquent words of my friend Eli, "Sometimes my mind goes on a walk. And then I'm like, 'Well mouth, it's just you and me.'" So I apologize for the rambling post. But it's pretty accurate.