Monday, September 24, 2012

Words to Live By, Part 1

This isn't going to be at all serious, so if you're looking for inspiration, you might consider going elsewhere. Here we go.

"You're not as funny as you think you are."
"Hush, we are one." -Me & Clint

"We should handcuff them to the seats."
"And duct-tape their mouths."
"And kill their families!" -Me, Wendy, & John

"What is this? Do you hate God? Do you hate seminary?"
"I hate you." -Nick & Said

"The space between my eyes and my cheekbones could be filled with secrets." -Andy

"I'm sorry, when I get scared I make loud screams." -Jozi

"So what happens when I look in the mirror? What do I see?"
"....yourself, unfortunately." -Mr. Mac & Nick W.

"I'm like a bolt of lightning covered with skin." -Andy

"You have pig flesh on your shirt." -Michael

"Pass, O Thou Devourer of Unworthy Spleens!" -Andy

"You practically gave birth to sanity." -Yon Soo

"I can't take my eyes off your shoes. They're like a drug."

"You just don't have an evil-tron sense of humor." -Dad

"I have a fancy on Katelyn." -Jozi

"If you are repulsed by the idea of plural marriage, that is wonderful! Good for you! For crying out loud, you should be!"
-Bro. Pearce

"My bare calves were quivering in anticipation." -Andy

"I'm gonna come to your party and make ALL of your friends."

"You smell good. Like fruit...and girl." -Matthew

"Are you wearing your lifejacket as a diaper?"
"Ha! No. I'm wearing your lifejacket as a diaper." -Mom & Darin 

"You have a speedo?! Josh just told me the news!" -Ivan

"How do we get this makeup off?"
"Baby oil."
"And how does one obtain oil?"
"By squeezing a ripe baby?" -Michael, Kat, Henry, Michael

"I just came over to remind you how effing good-looking I am."

"Good! Understanding him is the first step to seducing him!"

"Guys, I am SO mildly irritated." -Whitney

"Shh, I'm trying to taste this cave."

"Ah, it's the underpants!" -Henry

"Dang it! I just unbuttoned my shirt all the way for nothing!"

"Hey, a good fine forehead can make all the difference." -Jacob

"I feel like some people could be fooled into thinking Mountain Rush is like...vogue or something." 

"There are hieroglyphics on this bread. I think I just ate the history of a civilization."

"I never know when it might be socially acceptable to suddenly sprout a mustache. I think it would make things awkward." -Michael

"He probably dressed up for villain day. As the Master of Crimes Against Fashion." -Kat

"What are you looking at?"
"Christian Garrett. 'Cause he's hot." -Kat & John W.

"Yes, I've been blessed with loose skin." -Matthew B.

"Guys, Kate and I are getting married to Vegas." -Romain

"No, no. You never get used to Bigfoot." -Chauncey

"Don't go to your meeting, Luke. I am your father!"
"Get thee behind me, Darth." -Mom & Dad

"That can't be one of the three Nephites. His biceps are only about a third of the size they'd need to be." -Chauncey

"What do you call your facial hair?"
"Roscoe." -Jozi & Mr. Davis

"Why won't you trust me with the gavel?"

"I need a nap so hard right now." -Wendy

"Why do you only ever think about seduction and babies?" -Jozi

"No, he comes to teach us art! R-A-T, art!" -Isaac

"I can't get this jacket onto my legs! They're so cold!"
"You know, some people wear pants."
-Isaac & Dad

"You know those days when you start talking and then you start crying? Why am I crying?! Somebody tell me!"

"I only joined Little League for the apple juice." -Jozi

"I'm making a smoke-ship. Mast! Fffff! The ship itself! Pfffft! And the mermaid! Pshhhhhh!" -Riley

"Okay, I have a good story. So. Never mind."
"Well what if I just have an avant-garde approach to punctuation?" -Jozi

"Funnel cakes. They're like sexy waffles." -Christian

"Not like we're doing anything out here, just rollin' doobies!"

"Oh my gosh, I love your hair! It looks like the sunset!" -Macy

"I'm not comfortable with my butt tumor." -Clint

"So what explanation can you offer?"
"I dunno...I'm just like Fred Astaire!" -Tayla & Jon

"That is not appropriate."
"Kiss me." -Tayla & Clint

"Can you tell that this is a comb-over?" -Michael

"How do you like your bananas?"
"Room temperature."
"I prefer mine lukewarm." -Me, Miriam, & Katelyn

"Joseph Conrad was a hipster."
"Oh, everyone has their inner hipster." -Jozi & Me

"You guys like loincloths, right? Isn't that the new 'thing'?"
-Seminary substitute

"Oh, I get it. This is about babies, isn't it?" -Isaac

"I was disturbed...but I wanted to be even MORE disturbed."

"I speak giggle. I'm actually quite fluent." -Aubrey

"You're worthless. You're worthless like a blob of oatmeal." 

"She actually went by Valborg instead of Helga." -Kat

"If rape were a serious crime...stop it, why are you laughing?"

Sorry that was so excessively long--part two is coming tomorrow or Wednesday. I just live a charmed and my merry band of comrades.



Carrots said...

This makes me ridiculously happy. I am crying tears of joy and hysteria.

a said...

I'm glad high school is over.
-Daniel Thurston

Marianne said...

This is great. Preserved forever on the internet histories. I love your quote book.