Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Words to Live By, Part 2

Some days, all you can do is think about dancing chimney sweeps and post the rest of the quotes you started posting yesterday. Because some days are happy. Because some days Marcus Mumford's doppelganger is in your Book of Mormon class and there's a really cute trumpet player that smiles at you during rehearsal. Happy Tuesday to me! :)

Step in Time - Mary Poppins

And the quotes.

"How are you even supposed to know if you're pregnant? Do you just wait 'til you get fat?"

"I will NOT stand for this...woo hoo hoo, I WILL stand for it!"

"This is far too graceful for a man-hula." -Uncle Brian

"Even though I won't know, I will know! And I'll be mad!"
-Mrs. Van Orden

"Hey. Hey you. I can dress as gay as I want to while I'm making rap music!"

"Nuts in chocolate chip cookies are the end of innocence."
-Nick G.

"I dig possessed women..." -Jon-Michael

"Selling drugs...is okay!" -Caleb

"Just imagine the Easter Bunny and the Trix Rabbit greased up in a cage fight. That's always a good comfort for me." -John W.

"You speak Russian? Say something in Russian."
*drops to one knee and grabs my hand*
".........Stalin." -Me & Matthew

"If you're going to jump, you'd better do it and decrease the surplus population."

"Why are grown-ups always mourning for their lost youth?"

"I have the type of low cheekbones that inspire that kind of faith in people."

"How many thighs does she HAVE?" -Melody

"Why hast thou taken my scarf, woman? Returneth my scarf before the morrow or get thee down to hell and burneth in the infernal pit." -John W.

"What if Jon-Michael ruled the world?"
"Well, we'd all be up the creek without a paddle. And we wouldn't have any clothes." 
-Jozi & Jon-Michael

"I dunno, they're not exactly the type of friends I'd make people with."

"I like my tea strong...and my women stronger." -Riley

"Well gosh, the government has been fighting pirates for years!"

"I call him McDonald. Mick for short, Donald for long." -Mikey

"Guys, my waterbottle sounds like a flock of penguins." -Mary

"I'd kiss him all day and marry him my whole life." -Lauren

"I'm still feeling John's legs!" -Rebecca

"Those were my lips!" -Rebecca

"I didn't realize what it was...until I turned it sideways." -Mary

"Children tend to look a little winded when they hit adolescence."

"I wish we were all wearing cute underwear." -Lauren

"Fine fellows--cannibals--in their place. That's what I always say."
-Mr. Davis

"Everyone calls him something different. Sometimes I call him Boat."
-Matt P.

"Look guys, this isn't rocket surgery." -Dr. T

"Culinary...does that mean food?" -John W.

"Wow, you guys are athletes with your faces." -Dr. T

"The world needs more humbability." -Marcus

"Little midget redheads. That's what I'm looking for in a man."

"Yesterday, I drowned. Luckily I didn't drown to death." -Tim

"I just want to grasp your Adam's apple. Is that so much to ask?"

"Nothing says love like a moose." -Wendy

"My fashion senses are tingling!" -Jakey

"Don't you come to California to take your pants off with the window open?"
"Actually, I go to Disneyland. With my pants on." -Miriam & Me

"Excuse me, my dress just exploded. I'm going to leave." 

"I bet I could kill you with my bare hands. Oh wait, I totally can."

"Nuns in a teacup: it's the new planking."

"Your coughdrop smells like the doctor."
"Yeah, it tastes like my doctor too." -Wendy & Me

"Since when have I been the enemy? I'm the fruit of your womb!"

"Is this ethical?"
"...meh." -Me & Riley

"You sound like I walked into heaven...and all the angels are drunk."
-Hipster Tipster

"Good morning. Why do you sound like a man?" -Dad

"Facundo Gilberto Rigazonni Lydamond!" -Kat

"I'm actually Presbyterian. We celebrate Easter, right?" -Lauren P.

"We are getting lectured about musical intuition by a person who only writes in parallel fifths."
-Lauren P.

"I want a beard so bad." -Catie

"If you ever need to borrow my outer layer of clothing, just ask!"

"Okay, here's your pen. Now act like you're slitting my throat."

"You need more seduction. Lose the shirt." -Jozi

"Just kidding, I don't have multiple husbands." -Eli

"It's time to plant your foot squarely on the path to manhood! Plant it right...*stomp* HERE."

"I am a barbershop quartet!" -Mr. Larson

"Hello, naked." -Jake

"I was actually seduced by a man." -Ree

"You know those people from Holland? The Hollish?" -Catie

"What are you doing?"
"Listen to this horse noise, okay?" -Me & Oliver

"Moses split the sea, but somebody else seems to have split Moses."

"I love this shirt. It has adjustable modesty." -Maren

"Sometimes I say silly things when my mind goes for a walk. And then I'm like, 'Well, mouth, it's just you and me.'" -Eli

"Riley's thighs." 
"Oh my gosh, I KNOW." -Jozi & Me

"Wow, I wish I had girth." -Justin

"Hail, yourself...." -Kat

"You think I don't know a buttload of crap about the Gospel? I DO."

"Her mom's straight outta Compton. And by Compton, I mean Sweden."

"I'll trade you phones if I can have your social life." -Catie

"You're like a teddy bear."
"With huge muscles."
"THAT'S what I like to hear." -Me & Christian

"Once saw a shahk eat an entah rockin' chah." -Paul

"Oh look: 'Enter Polonius with his man'."
"No way, can I be your man?" -Michael & Henry

"You are a keen theatrical goatherd." -Kat

*In his best Gollum impression* "Master carries heavy burdens..."

"I am paying attention...to you..." -Bao

"And what do we do with our food before we eat it...?"
"We...smell it!" -Bro. Dykstra and a random seminary kid

"Let's play, 'If I Were in a Coma.' Ready, go!" -Daniel

"A life condemned to wearing nothing but an XXL plaid shirt...that would be a good life."

"I think I'll wear tights. They'd go really well with..."
"...your legs?" -Riley & Katelyn

"I held a pig yesterday and my maternal instincts were going CRAZY."

"You are gay, except for the gay part." -Kat

"I want to go to Senior Ball with Kent." -John W.

"My brain is a room full of beards."

"'What if Hamlet met the Mormons?' Somebody in here said that, and it wasn't me!"
-Mr. Davis

"Hey, did you bring a printer?" -Kendall

"Wow, you smell like a girl." -Jared

"Hey Uncle Dennis, I need something to help me fly. Do you have a jet pack?"

"This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?" -Kat & Jos

"Thessadermicle? What's that?"
"...I have no clue." -Jos & Me

"But driving 100 mph is against the law."
"Really??" -Kat & Lizzie

"This makes me feel like a wizard spy." -Mama Moulton

"We sit at meals, we sit in class, and we sit at home. We sit in the Testing Center too, but we don't want to think about that right now, do we? No. We don't."
-Professor R.

"Well, how about we steal the White House and replace it with an exact replica?"
*mumbles of thoughtful consent*
-Some kids I walked past on campus

"I'm sorry, I was ovulating."

"He doesn't even know I have a blog. And I'd prefer it stayed that way."

"So, I heard you were pregnant. Whore." -Jared

"NO! We can't have Nutella for dinner and Taco Bell for dessert."

"What on earth is creepy about an old man polishing his nails?"

"You can't just leave pee sitting around the kitchen. I've made that mistake before."

"You are toothpaste." -John W.

"Brevity is the soul of wit."
"Your mom." -Michael & Me

"Don't be late. You need that five dollars for Pokemon cards."
-Professor R.

"You must kiss the oboe note. But please don't kiss the oboe player."
-Dr. Saville

What rapture is mine--my life is hilarious.

(This is a note to me: Remember to post the Home Depot story next time you blog. The people deserve to know.)



Carrots said...

Kate, we are freaking hilarious.

Marianne said...

You lead such a fabulous life. Elton John should write a song about it...


Janice Pyper said...

Kate, that was the best chuckle-fest I've had in a long time! Keep up the good work! 8D